I have seen this quote shared many a time by the broken hearts which says, 'Relationships do not die naturally, they are murdered by egos'. The first look of the statement made me fall for it. Yet, on deeper thought, I couldn't agree with the philosopher, as the end is not so immediate and instantaneous as that in case of a murder. It occurs in a phased manner.
Friendships or any other relationships for that matter kick off almost unknowingly before we realize their actual existence and we subconsciously form a pact of commitment. Parents form a bond of love with their baby, even before it enters the world and promise themselves to nurture it as a prized possession. The elder sister starts treating the younger one as an apprentice from the day one, yet doesn't allow anyone to harm her. The first friend at college might be the one borrowing a pen and the eyes start searching for that person from the next day to extend the friendship. Thus, the agreement or the terms of contract are not specified but implied by the commitment.
Trouble starts when the terms 'dedication' and 'loyalty' carry different connotations for the associates in the bond. This usually begins when both the partners are mature and self-reliant. For instance, one person approaches it with sincerity and trusts the other one to be the same. However, the 'plug-and-play' attitude might be disturbing the other from reaching this level of commitment, but simply takes in whatever good comes by the way of this relationship while offering nothing as such to tend it. Oblivious of the latter's mind or surrendering to his own tendency to overlook the negative deeds of others while in good terms, the committed ally continues to maintain the relationship. He explains himself and justifies the stance of the other to pursue the alliance with the same fervor. This is the 'All is well' phase.
Slowly, the loyal member smells the fishy odor and reality starts hitting hard at this stage of realization. He becomes more watchful and analytical of the actions of the other. The resulting restlessness lingers on until there is a gentle outburst where he bypasses his ego and warns the other of the differences in their thinking and ideas about the relationship. This is the 'traffic police' phase.
If the other person values the relationship and is willing to re-orient the attitude towards dedication and loyalty, a renewed and stronger alliance is built where the terms are specified and agreed upon. However, when this cautioning is considered as a stone pelted at his ego, by the other person; it can be concluded that the relationship has reached the crossroads and it is decision time. When the relationship can be abandoned, the high-attitude partner just does that and never looks back. However, when the bond is not erasable, he continues to fake the commitment, where the 'plug-and-play' perspective re-surfaces. The relationship is existent when necessary and the 'we' and 'us' come back into the conversation (taking the originally committed counterpart by surprise); else the relationship is absent as in the attendance register of the class teacher. This is the phase I name as the 'Empty Vessels'.
The person who has worked through nourishing the relationship is deeply hurt and finds it difficult to retract either the loyalty or the commitment. He moves into a mental dialogue: which of these phases is real - that while in good terms? or that realization stage? or the one which is running at present? Which of these must I come to terms with? While the happy times argue for the bond, the dejected values insist to stand against it. This is followed by mood swings, frustration, uneasiness, anxiety and agony. These continue until the person decides to 'give up' on the bonding.
Relationships thus follow the course of a person bedridden by terminal illness and end up after having gone through their share of pain from not only the disease but also the weakness inflicted by desolate spirit and medication.
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