Positivity

May be I think too much........
But, I do want to think a lot as such!!
Unless I think, ponder and analyze;
I might act immediately and then agonize....

I intentionally think and re-think;
To force myself not to react at the brink!!
You might be surprised by my poker face,
But am holding myself hard not to race!!

My mind is about to cross the heart in the chase,
Should I show you the shrewd worldly ways??
No, I am not at all afraid to push the mind first,
As it would only lead to an instantaneous outburst!!

The teens and tweens have shown me its outcomes,
And made me wiser by many more times!!
Gone are the struggles to stand by what I believe,
But, here are the days of staying cool and positive!!
 
Now, I want to show you what my very nature is,
And let time teach you the rest of the things!!
As I settle down at this phase of thought,
I stop my mind from winning, just before the dot!!

Alas!! You only get back an artificial smile,
That has already transcended your wicked style...
Do not wait for any further reaction,
As now, you only mean a figment of imagination

This way, I need not take anything to my heart,
And conveniently forget you and also the incident!!
So, I keep telling myself, 'Think and re-think;
To force yourself not to react at the brink'!!

The Unknown Plant

Finally, I won!! It has been an issue of discussion since quite some time. As soon as the sapling showed it first signs of life, I guessed it using merely my common sense. It was the same plant that sprang out last season too from the same pot. But, my husband was pretty sure that I was wrong, because he scattered seeds from dried pea pods at the same place some time back. So, I found no reason to argue and remained quiet, but was hopeful!! (Though I was a student of Botany, plants was his forte and he was always right till date...)
As it got a few inches taller, the weak stem leaned to seek the support of the grill and the wavy edges of the leaves were very clear. I found strength in these hints and brought up the topic again with these fresh proofs. This time, he ruled it out quoting his experience in roaming around forests during his childhood and staying in a house surrounded by innumerable climbers, creepers and trees. Disappointed again, but not dispirited, I held on to my hope and waited further. I was just waiting for it to bloom.....
The vine grew tendrils (the leaf tendrils as against the apical tendrils of pea plant......Yippee!!) that twined along the mesh and there it was, the bud appeared in a matter of 3 weeks. Pinched gently by the warmth of sunshine, it opened up into a nice yellow flower next morning. Hey....hey....I got the evidence to prove my stance beyond doubt, but I chose to stay patient. I didn't want to re-tweak the issue until I validate my gut-feeling with some strong backing. The flower whittled by the evening, only to appear as a small fruit in 2-3 days. Here I am, proudly showing off the tiny Bitter gourd to my man!! In no mood to lose the bet, he shrugs off saying, 'now I realize, (in order to win) you never watered the pea seeds??!!'
My excitement of victory is clearly defeated by the aura created by his million dollar smile!!

Relationships do Die, but are not Murdered at Once!!

I have seen this quote shared many a time by the broken hearts which says, 'Relationships do not die naturally, they are murdered by egos'. The first look of the statement made me fall for it. Yet, on deeper thought, I couldn't agree with the philosopher, as the end is not so immediate and instantaneous as that in case of a murder. It occurs in a phased manner.

Friendships or any other relationships for that matter kick off almost unknowingly before we realize their actual existence and we subconsciously form a pact of commitment. Parents form a bond of love with their baby, even before it enters the world and promise themselves to nurture it as a prized possession. The elder sister starts treating the younger one as an apprentice from the day one, yet doesn't allow anyone to harm her. The first friend at college might be the one borrowing a pen and the eyes start searching for that person from the next day to extend the friendship. Thus, the agreement or the terms of contract are not specified but implied by the commitment.

Trouble starts when the terms 'dedication' and 'loyalty' carry different connotations for the associates in the bond. This usually begins when both the partners are mature and self-reliant. For instance, one person approaches it with sincerity and trusts the other one to be the same. However, the 'plug-and-play' attitude might be disturbing the other from reaching this level of commitment, but simply takes in whatever good comes by the way of this relationship  while offering nothing as such to tend it. Oblivious of the latter's mind or surrendering to his own tendency to overlook the negative deeds of others while in good terms, the committed ally continues to maintain the relationship. He explains himself and justifies the stance of the other to pursue the alliance with the same fervor. This is the 'All is well' phase.

Slowly, the loyal member smells the fishy odor and reality starts hitting hard at this stage of realization. He becomes more watchful and analytical of the actions of the other. The resulting restlessness lingers on until there is a gentle outburst where he bypasses his ego and warns the other of the differences in their thinking and ideas about the relationship. This is the 'traffic police' phase.

If the other person values the relationship and is willing to re-orient the attitude towards dedication and loyalty, a renewed and stronger alliance is built where the terms are specified and agreed upon. However, when this cautioning is considered as a stone pelted at his ego, by the other person; it can be concluded that the relationship has reached the crossroads and it is decision time. When the relationship can be abandoned, the high-attitude partner just does that and never looks back. However, when the bond is not erasable, he continues to fake the commitment, where the 'plug-and-play' perspective re-surfaces. The relationship is existent when necessary and the 'we' and 'us' come back into the conversation (taking the originally committed counterpart by surprise); else the relationship is absent as in the attendance register of the class teacher. This is the phase I name as the 'Empty Vessels'.

The person who has worked through nourishing the relationship is deeply hurt and finds it difficult to retract either the loyalty or the commitment. He moves into a mental dialogue: which of these phases is real - that while in good terms? or that realization stage? or the one which is running at present? Which of these must I come to terms with? While the happy times argue for the bond, the dejected values insist to stand against it. This is followed by mood swings, frustration, uneasiness, anxiety and agony. These continue until the person decides to 'give up' on the bonding.

Relationships thus follow the course of a person bedridden by terminal illness and end up after having gone through their share of pain from not only the disease but also the weakness inflicted by desolate spirit and medication.