I have totally abandoned the idea of going to
the office or having a career for myself, but I applied for every job that
interested me as Naukri asked me to 'Apply Now'. When I got an interview call
from a KPO company for the position of Editor, I was surprised and excited, as
this gave me a new confidence that someone is atleast visiting my profile and
considering me eligible for some job even after a break of 4 years!!!
I sent my elder one, Karthik, who was
3-and-half y.o. then to the playschool and left my younger one-year old in
in-laws care and attended it. They took few tests and some senior person, Ajay
had a one-to-one session with me. Along with job-related queries, he also
questioned about the apprehensions that I already had in my mind.....whether I
would be able to manage the work, along with two kids; whether I am comfortable
in commuting 10km to reach the office by at least 10am?? I almost bluffed them
to believe that I can do all these. Finally, they qualified me, gave me 10 days
to report and this sparked the trouble back home, where I had to convince
everyone for my new role.
I was giving Karthik a bath when I raised the
topic casually and wanted to get his consent for my joining. I told him,
"Do you like the idea of amma going to office, as your naanna(father)
does??". His expression turned sad, as he was concerned about who would be
taking care of himself and his brother. I proposed to hire a care-taker. He was
not quite satisfied, but wanted our present maid-servant to be the one. I
explained that she also had two kids and a home to manage and that she would
not be able to stay with my kids for a long time. His statement puzzled me,
"If her kids need her back at home, don't we need you to take care of us??
So, please don't leave us with someone else!!".Guilt filled my mind.
I hold all the mothers who are working and managing a lot of things at a time with high respect, but I know my capabilities and limitations as an individual...........I dreamt of a great career, but the priorities have changed after getting married and having kids. Today, the job aspirations have resurfaced and blinded my thinking.......I haven't brought two children into this world, to be tended by someone else.......I want them to be my off-springs, grow-up as per my way and ideas of bringing them up. They need my attention. They need my time. I would end up feeling bad the day I can't spare time for the small things that they expect from me. Being temperamental, I will not be able to justify my role as a mother after coming back from the office with a 6-day 8-hour working and 3-hour traveling schedule........Would I be the same person as I am today, if I had an office-going mom who hired someone else to take care of me?? Finally, I made up my mind for one last time.......I am a stay-at-home mom for as long as I as possible.
Thankfully, the whole world has conspired in letting me address both my concerns and made me a freelance academic writer today. I can work. Check on my career. I am working as a research associate. Check on my goal of life. I work for international clientele and write theses and papers for the staff and students belonging to big Management Schools (I know, with all these emotions that surround me, I can never study there personally). Check on my professional pride and satisfaction. I am being with my kids and family. Check on my domestic responsibilities. I am earning from home. Check on financial freedom. Last on the list, I am happy. A bold check. Touch-wood!!
I hold all the mothers who are working and managing a lot of things at a time with high respect, but I know my capabilities and limitations as an individual...........I dreamt of a great career, but the priorities have changed after getting married and having kids. Today, the job aspirations have resurfaced and blinded my thinking.......I haven't brought two children into this world, to be tended by someone else.......I want them to be my off-springs, grow-up as per my way and ideas of bringing them up. They need my attention. They need my time. I would end up feeling bad the day I can't spare time for the small things that they expect from me. Being temperamental, I will not be able to justify my role as a mother after coming back from the office with a 6-day 8-hour working and 3-hour traveling schedule........Would I be the same person as I am today, if I had an office-going mom who hired someone else to take care of me?? Finally, I made up my mind for one last time.......I am a stay-at-home mom for as long as I as possible.
Thankfully, the whole world has conspired in letting me address both my concerns and made me a freelance academic writer today. I can work. Check on my career. I am working as a research associate. Check on my goal of life. I work for international clientele and write theses and papers for the staff and students belonging to big Management Schools (I know, with all these emotions that surround me, I can never study there personally). Check on my professional pride and satisfaction. I am being with my kids and family. Check on my domestic responsibilities. I am earning from home. Check on financial freedom. Last on the list, I am happy. A bold check. Touch-wood!!
aparna nuce write up but you know one thing in the same situation if you had support from inlaws giving assurance that our kids are safe with them we must have definitely pusued our careers nd one more thing i observed in later ages when ur kids grow up they respect ur ideas or advices if ur a working mom.i donno may be this is my perspective.kids see working moms as more dynamic nd knowledgeble
ReplyDeletethat is true...........when you have the support of family, you'll definitely opt to work....but, it has to be in a true sense, not just the lip service. Imagine their patience to handle our responsibilities on a regular basis!! I don't think they can do justice completely. However, it is true that children take pride in their mothers' career and achievements and trust them better!!
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