Looking for Santa Claus!!

Kaka says, 'Santa doesn't exist!! Naanna would bring the gifts for us.' Prithvi adds, 'Even if Santa is somewhere, how will he know me? my name? the gift I am expecting?? Does he keep roaming around in the sky and arrive at a lonely place like PK?'!!!!! But for all the doubts and apprehensions, Kaka & Prithvi finished writing their letters to Santa (after making last minute updates to their wish list!!) and eagerly waiting for the gifts.........Keeping their ears stuck to the front door!!

PK

I am not his fan, especially after noticing that his films solely revolve around his character and the others just play the supporting cast. But, I caught myself unawares appreciating Aamir Khan's talent and prowess yet another time, after watching 'PK'. The innocent and unworldly behavior, supplemented by the stretched eyelids, the conspicuous ears and the typical movements (including his funny running style) could be patented as PK-ish!!!!! Of course, I also loved both Anushka's role and styling. I am in awe with her ohh-so casual look. 

If I had to explain religions and God-men to my kids, I would have to face similar questions. I might have to first resolve the confusion and conflict of thought in their minds over these aspects. But, how can any sane being justify them??....while some relevant concepts are un-explainable, the others are contrasting, contradictory, invisible, abstract and the rest seem illogical to any new-comer trying to get a grasp of what is going on!! The so-called 'wrong numbers' need to be clarified, in order to facilitate the upcoming generation to strongly hold on to the proper side of their faith. Period.

The tactful and subtle way in which the film-makers handled the most-sensitive and controversial subject needs to be appreciated. I think this is 'socially responsible' cinema, to the extent to which it urges the people to think before they blindly believe anything in the name of ‘God’ and learn to question their conviction and search for answers!! Totally a good watch!!

Clown

The smartest among the clowns who would be entertaining the parents and guests at the annual day tomorrow!!

Matter of Shame!!

When celebrities speak out for a cause, we rule it out as a means to gaining public mileage. But, proud of Shenaz for not only conveying the angst of every Indian female to the bigwigs, but also urging them to act upon it. Let it be a publicity stunt...along with her image, let her publicize the cause among the power-holders. As the women of the country, we don't mind that at all.......instead, we stand in her support to, 'Its their shame, not yours!'.
As a man, if you feel agitated by her open letter accusing fellow men, think more sensibly!! Think of those little girls who couldn't even understand what has happened to them!! Remember the days in college when you have seen the girls wade through eve-teasers.....!! Ask girls or women from your household who have used the public transport. Give them the boldness to express. They will reveal more ugly stories of shame!! Imagine the plight of a person who has to move around, but do so stealthily and cautiously to protect him/herself falling prey to some nasty prank!!  These would refresh your memory, enlighten you and justify her accusations.
However, no NaMo or Ambani can come to the girl's rescue at every such instance. So, if possible, please encourage them to speak out. Help them shed the fear of voicing the disrespect that people have shown upon them....re-assure them....its no more a matter of shame or taboo!! Unless the women take their own stance and start punishing their perpetrators, this would not end. Who looked into the matter when we shouted of eve-teasing, rape incidents, child molestation, abuse or domestic violence??!! Bring out the so-called demoness in you and make the men repay for their sadistic behavior.

http://www.indicine.com/movies/bollywood/shenaz-treasurywalas-open-letter-to-pm-bachchan-srk-salman-and-aamir/

Staying 'MYSELF'

Things change, circumstances change, people change, then why not me?? The thought keeps on lingering inside, whenever the change pokes hard on me!! The emotional rollercoaster following this also lingers for quite sometime! At some point, when I feel like I should give up and change.....some inner strength asserts....'re-analyze your experience, replay the situation, read between the lines...you'll learn the lesson....character and personality do not change'.....then I quickly pick up myself, gather the confidence to proudly present me as 'MYSELF' once again!! This would be an updated version of 'me' wised by the experience', but not changed...now the 'me' is not influenced by the same situation the next time.

However, the reactions, response and ease of adjustment to change-poking situations do undergo change to fit with them. But as a person, I don't change. Consider the example, when a person believes in honesty, he doesn't start telling lies just because the other person did or with the pretense that when the world is fake, nothing would happen even if I lie!! At that particular instance, he might be tempted to seek the shortcut of dishonesty, but I think, this is the time when the reaction shouldn't be instinctive. Even minor breach in his behavior would bother a person who stands for CHARACTER. So, it is important to give the decision some time. Eventually, one would understand that he was better off with the honesty........

The veil unveils here......my argument in the post is double edged......Dishonesty is the other person's character and the reflection of their personality.....Honesty is one's character and it defines his personality........when someone stays dishonest and that influences my  life in some way, I might feel like retorting, sometimes with the same dishonesty, but the dejection, helplessness and other negative emotions that follow this act bear heavy on my heart. I rather reach the point of retrospection, introspection and achieve a balance of thought. Then, I take pride in honesty being a reflection of myself as a person and move on being the same person, unperturbed by the temptations and influence!! The triumph of character fades all the negativity!!

Masterchef

'What did they cook? What was the challenge? Who is eliminated?' These are the questions that my husband has been asking everyday once he is home, since 3 months!!! 5 year-old Prithvi inquires, 'When would Marco enter the kitchen?'.......'what is Emelia making?'. 'Why are the judges warning the chefs about time, like my class teacher?', 'why is Matt wearing pants that resemble my pyjamas?' 'Who is going to win?' asks Kaka.
We never realized when Matt, George and Gary have become household names. My addiction to Masterchef Australia doesn't come as a surprise (i love the dignity and decency with which the contest is presented, unlike the other reality series). But, the issue of interest is how the show has kindled these kids' enthusiasm??!!! Prithvi has picked up on his reading skills in English from the sub-titles!! Both the boys have designed a dance sequence for the signature tune of the show!! All of us are bracing for the semifinals of season 6 to be telecast next week.

Emote!!

Don't shun away from realizing your emotions!! They are invaluable in realizing your'self' as a person.

The Pampered Lot!!

Kids do deserve the attention, love, pampering and affection of the parents and other elders in the family. The formative years need such nourishment. Considering their young age, the elders start backing every small step of the children and give a boost to their confidence. Everything goes fine as long as it stays within a limit on both sides. I cannot exactly differentiate whether it is in the nature of the child to magnify this motivation into a self-image of being a hero or superhuman who has descended from heaven, as they grow up; or it is in the superlative praises that the elders shower which create an aura around the person of being a family celebrity!! 

The problem is that this boosting and boasting does not end here and aggravates into a 'Neighbour's envy, Owner's pride' syndrome, though there might be nothing substantial in the person to actually be the Hero!! These children are readily recognizable. They are bossy!! They throw tantrums and are shameless about this!! They perceive themselves to be capable of doing the impossible!! They boast about themselves!! While all these characteristics are clearly evident at home, a completely opposite side of the child can be seen during their early years of schooling. They are silent, don't talk much, keep things to themselves, averse to teacher who treats him/her as one of the students, have very few friends who are again admirers of the child's useless 'out-of-the world' abilities!! Eventually, this angle fades into the background as the fan base widens and the child understands that the extraordinary image works only among the fans and family.

When the pampered kids take the onus of being the celebrity onto themselves, the real problem starts. The 'Heroes' become self-indulging and are proud of that. The first thing that they wish to see early in the morning is their image in the mirror!! They neither wish others on the birthdays nor do they thank others for the wishes!! The word 'Sorry' does not exist in their vocabulary. Even when confronted with a misdeed, uttering the word becomes very difficult for them. Their defense mechanisms are very strong. These persons can even justify their grave mistakes and blunders and rationalize them. They look down upon others and can readily find fault with others and make fun of them. They are completely unapologetic about their behavior. They are never meek or humble, but act to be so by staying mum whenever the necessity arises.They are incapable of handling tough situations, as they are conditioned to be the 'Kings' of the Utopia!! These people cannot be themselves nor can they enjoy the good things of life, blinded by their self-image and pressure of maintaining the standard that they have set for themselves. They are handicapped while expressing their emotions, as laughing or crying are the qualities of the weak. Neither can they rise up to the demand of the circumstances, because they are at the top-most position already. These people feed on the attention and the fan-base, similar to the celebrities of the present day!! 

Such pampered kids give complex to the others and pose problem to the 'un'pampered lot. The other children end up questioning themselves about the reasons for the special treatment and heroic image. It makes them think hard about what is lacking in them??!! They try to catch up with the attention that the 'special kid' has gathered and are disappointed when the level of boost does not reach up to that extended to the 'Hero'. Their confidence levels come down as the focus is on matching up with the 'apple-of-everyone's-eye' kid; resulting in frustration which can never be vented in the tender years (because of the fear of being punished by the elders) nor can be suppressed. So, they evolve the strategy of acting as if everything is fine. The faked closeness in maintaining the relationships starts here, at this young age for these kids!! These group learn disaster management and adaptation techniques early in life. They stay modest as they have witnessed the other side of modesty.

Along with pampering and boosting the self-image, I feel that the parents and all the elders in the family must contribute towards bringing up children under real circumstances and help them stay grounded. They should not be pushed into the unrealistic world where only the child and his admirers exist. The mistakes must be pointed out and parents must make it a habit for them to extend greetings as well as apologies to others whenever necessary. The qualities of empathy and kindness must be instilled, so that they understand that every person as much human and is equally human and intelligent as himself/herself!!

Friendship Day Wishes

When I wanted to think of that one person to whom I want to wish first, the query retrieved a huge collage of all those people who have sparkled my smile, who have been of wonderful company in my journey through the years, who have been enriching the moments through their gestures small and big and making me feel lively and worthwhile.....then do I realize the significance of multiple threads that were woven into a single colourful friendship band that is tied round my wrist! And then, I treasure the numerous messages from all those whose thoughts of friendship day brought me to their memory, safely into My Folders! Friendship day wishes to all my friends!

Rakhi

The sweetest way of celebrating the most wonderful relation! Happy Rakhi to all my brothers n cousins!

Power and Politics

Power and politics are addictive, raise ur
expectations, leave u craving for more!!! But the problem is that
they come with a term. Wisdom lies in accepting the fact and ending
the term with grace, before the people push u out!!

Lesson from Drushyam

Things are changing. Gone are the days when the parents of the daughters who have fallen prey to eve-teasing, acid attacks, sexual harassment and threats related to being female, would hold their head and cry their days out in grief and morose for giving birth to a girl child. 'Drushyam' is a warning to all the youth with slippery temperament and their parents. It sends a much-needed powerful message. If you are the parents of a boy, we are also the parents of a girl. If you have a boy, we have a girl whom we accord similar treatment. We are ready to stand as strong pillars of support behind our daughters in every attempt they make to resist your so-called 'mischief created by adrenaline-rush'. Even our daughters have one youth to live through and have fun. They also have the same levels of hormonal activity during the teen years. If we as the family of the affected girl stand as a team, you stand no chance. Respect us and our girl and we shall give you back the same.

My Father's Interest in Movies??!!

Strangely, I can find him in Sanjeev Kumar's face, Jaya Bachan's tender expressions in Parichay...........I can see him swaying to the music of Cheliya cheliya (gharshana) and Tilaana tilaana (mutthu).............I can see him throwing the towel and trying to pick it up as Arjun does in Mudinepalli madichelo..........I can witness him appreciating all the dancers standing behind the hero while watching a song and dance sequence.........I can visualize him in every comment of SPB on Paadutaa Teeyagaa........I remember his prediction about SRK becoming a superstar after watching 'Darr' for few minutes...........I can still find him relaxing with 'Manchaahe Geet' or Hits of Mukesh playing on his transistor...........I can keep on describing the little things related to movies, which remind him numerous times daily. There is never a show on TV or a movie that does not bring my father to my mind............

(But for all this, he was never a movie buff.......he hated watching stupid movies and never stuck to TV for long hours. The movies he watched throughout his lifetime were just a handful................his only motive was to appreciate the uniqueness of these things)

Once they cease to exist physically, people live in our memories. The impressions that they leave with us are eternal!!

Thoughtful Greetings

Kids' li'l ways of welcoming their dad back home....the cards need some explanation....this handsome Allen Solly guy on the first page is imagined to be his father in the new goggles, by Kaka....the structure on the other page is 'our home' by Prithvi and that in the right most page is the apartment complex, the individual rectangles being the doors and windows.....since his father is arriving at the wee hours when everyone is asleep and the gates are locked, he wants his dad to climb the ladder(drawn in the pic) and enter the house!!!! He wants Phani to play tic-tac-toe with him after coming home, which is drawn on the middle page. Finally, Prithvi tried his hand at quilling the paper ribbon to write the first letter of his father's name, which also happens to be his as well (after few minutes, he stuck all the fevicol to his fingers, grew busy peeling it and forgot to do the rest)!!!!.
 
 
When they explained all this to me, it was too much info for me to process....

Life

The most exciting thing about life is that it keeps on surprising us, teaching new things and extending our abilities. We are ignorant of this potential until life pushes us to bring it out and build on that. We never knew that we could walk until we put that first step, which is an event no less than a miracle. Then it reveals our other motor, defensive, cognitive, logical, social, philosophical facets eventually, based on the contingency. Thus, there seems to be a progression to untapping this potential of our life, similar to that of the hierarchy of needs proposed by Maslow.

May be I found the secret behind the longevity of Indian Marriages!!

There is a whole lot of intrigue about 'he loves me, he loves me not' even after the relationship between the woman and his man has been sealed and secured through the universally accepted bond of marriage. This might seem the product of an idle brain which is meant to be the devil's workshop, but it is the dilemma of every women who has put in years of efforts to justify the choice that 'he loves me', myself being no exception to such dichotomous thoughts. 

I fight with him, argue with him, loathe his presence at times and cry in silence as to how I chose this insensitive person. He is as inert as a stone at times and myself as loud as a termagant. The only thing that appeared to stick us together is the fear of kids' future and the tyranny of staying alone. Every time I am at the crossroads, I used to accuse my bad fortune for these circumstances of mine!! I even went the distance of calling the marriage to be a door-less oven or an exit-less theater, where the couple is just pushed into dark to either enjoy or suffer the ongoing happenings. There is no quick reference manual available and asking for suggestions from others was like seeking charity from a fellow pauper. This is even more depressing and sickening. There seemed to be no lining to this dark cloud!!

Breakthrough happened when he had to leave for a 2-month long onsite assignment. I decided to enjoy his absence. I tried to do all the things for 2-3 days and everything seemed to be fine. I managed home, kids, finances and all and sundry and the exhaustion from these chores put me to sleep early every night. So, I was doing good and was happy. But, when these things turned routine, the chores did not tire me enough. When sleep betrayed me at the night times, I was surrounded by loneliness. Internet, social media, mass media, my collection of books, assignments or Whatsapp, nothing could fill the void. Due to the difference in time-zones, the option of calling him was not possible at that time. I lost taste for all these things, which I never used to get enough when I was spending time with my husband. Though the concerns of loneliness bothered me, they did not deprive me from having heated arguments or annoying him. I started thinking deeply about 'the missing element', which has led me to the conclusion and revealed the secret behind the longevity of successful Indian marriage.

The discussion on liking or disliking the companion becomes immaterial, even seems trivial as years add up to the marriage. It is more about the habit (rather addiction to put it right!) of living together and sharing; and has much more to do with the complementarity that the couple develops in this companionship over the years. These simple attributes translate into the romance and charisma of an aging pair!! 

The couple might go on arguing, quarreling and fighting and seem to be incompatible for the audience, but the fact is that, they can't stay without each other. They like each other at good moments, comment or negate with each others' opinions at some moments or hate each other at some other moments and instances, but they can't stay without sharing their pieces of minds and hearts on a regular basis. Through their courtship, unknowingly they have become partners at many things, including mischief and conspiracy. They have evolved a way of life, where they unconsciously share the duties.........you bring the milk, I'll boil it.......you prepare the list, I do the groceries............you cook the food, I'll manage the kids................you make space for garden, I'll tend it..............you pay the bills, I'll see that they stay in the limits...........and so on. There are no written pacts or said agreements.......there just lies a common thread of complementarity that binds the duo.

This blog post of mine is dedicated to my sweetheart!!!

Big No to Amma's office!!!

I have totally abandoned the idea of going to the office or having a career for myself, but I applied for every job that interested me as Naukri asked me to 'Apply Now'. When I got an interview call from a KPO company for the position of Editor, I was surprised and excited, as this gave me a new confidence that someone is atleast visiting my profile and considering me eligible for some job even after a break of 4 years!!! 

I sent my elder one, Karthik, who was 3-and-half y.o. then to the playschool and left my younger one-year old in in-laws care and attended it. They took few tests and some senior person, Ajay had a one-to-one session with me. Along with job-related queries, he also questioned about the apprehensions that I already had in my mind.....whether I would be able to manage the work, along with two kids; whether I am comfortable in commuting 10km to reach the office by at least 10am?? I almost bluffed them to believe that I can do all these. Finally, they qualified me, gave me 10 days to report and this sparked the trouble back home, where I had to convince everyone for my new role.

I was giving Karthik a bath when I raised the topic casually and wanted to get his consent for my joining. I told him, "Do you like the idea of amma going to office, as your naanna(father) does??". His expression turned sad, as he was concerned about who would be taking care of himself and his brother. I proposed to hire a care-taker. He was not quite satisfied, but wanted our present maid-servant to be the one. I explained that she also had two kids and a home to manage and that she would not be able to stay with my kids for a long time. His statement puzzled me, "If her kids need her back at home, don't we need you to take care of us?? So, please don't leave us with someone else!!".Guilt filled my mind. 

I hold all the mothers who are working and managing a lot of things at a time with high respect, but I know my capabilities and limitations as an individual...........I dreamt of a great career, but the priorities have changed after getting married and having kids. Today, the job aspirations have resurfaced and blinded my thinking.......I haven't brought two children into this world, to be tended by someone else.......I want them to be my off-springs, grow-up as per my way and ideas of bringing them up. They need my attention. They need my time. I would end up feeling bad the day I can't spare time for the small things that they expect from me.  Being temperamental, I will not be able to justify my role as a mother after coming back from the office with a 6-day 8-hour working and 3-hour traveling schedule........Would I be the same person as I am today, if I had an office-going mom who hired someone else to take care of me?? Finally, I made up my mind for one last time.......I am a stay-at-home mom for as long as I as possible. 

Thankfully, the whole world has conspired in letting me address both my concerns and made me a freelance academic writer today. I can work. Check on my career. I am working as a research associate. Check on my goal of life.  I work for international clientele and write theses and papers for the staff and students belonging to big Management Schools (I know, with all these emotions that surround me, I can never study there personally). Check on my professional pride and satisfaction. I am being with my kids and family. Check on my domestic responsibilities. I am earning from home. Check on financial freedom. Last on the list, I am happy. A bold check. Touch-wood!!

Animals Vs Parents

The simple conversation that started with a simile pushed me into deep thoughts and emotional dialogue with my inner-self. We were at the Mysore Zoo when I was holding my 4-year-old son, Prithvi's hands and explaining everything while observing and enjoying his enthusiasm. The walk led us to the fence inside which a lion and lioness were yawning lazily. The lion slowly stood up, jumped out of the inner fence and strolled along the outer ring. The lioness moved on a parallel note inside the inner fence. This seemed to exemplify the ancient saying that a wife should follow the husband as the meaning follows a word.

Just to invoke some thought, I praised the friendship between the male and female counterparts. Prithvi promptly responds saying that they are friends like mom and dad. Quickly, I questioned him whether they resemble his parents (me and my husband). Without putting much thought into my query, he adds that the animals are much better than his parents because neither do the lion and lioness quarrel with each other nor do they punish or shout at their kids for the mistakes. I was awe-stuck.......couldn't pick up myself for quite some time............I was ashamed by his perception towards me and amazed by his reasoning abilities, at the same time. My eyes welled up with tears of mixed emotions..........proud that he is my boy......he is fearless to speak his mind and utter the truth!!

Am I really that bad????? Is my behavior hurting him so much??? Is he putting up with so much torture???? A 4-year old cannot lie.........he doesn't manipulate.........is ignorant of the concept of cheating..........so, he is speaking the truth???!! I had to accept it. It is now my responsibility to change his perspective and make him believe that his parents are better than the beasts.

Lessons of life need not be learnt from the scholars, Vedas, gurus or books with thousands of quotes or snippets.........they come in small packets called kids.........endear and treasure them!!

Once upon a time in Koti

Walked along the streets of koti...relishing the walk now...refreshing my memories way back from my PG days, when window shopping in koti meant a well-spent weekend. Reminiscing the wonderful days, the experiences.....bargaining for old-books, enjoying Gokul chat, writing examinations at women's college, getting my bus pass renewed, waiting hours for the buses....this nostalgia is sweet. Three cheers to the memorable PG days...my first feel of the city! Thanks to chitti, santhi, atta, bobby and not to forget my anchor, Aravinda.

The day I stopped updating my profile!!

I worked on many assignments related to Facebook, the secret behind its success, the psychological changes that it is bringing about in the users, their relationships and thinking and what not. I assumed that I totally understand the implications of this social networking site and would be vigilant in this regard. But, all these learnings did not deprive me from falling for its magic. I think the instant gratification from the numbers of likes, comments and praises that followed my posts pushed me to add more and more of my mind’s products to the profile. They gained the attention of my friends in a jiffy and every post was an overnight hit. Some of them encouraged me to write on this movie or express some psychological state or feeling or stick some photos of my recent outing. What more do I ask for, as I savor the affection, warmth, sweetness and laurels from the people including those who are close to me, those whom I have never spoken to even when I met them in person and also those whom I have never seen at all!!! They appreciated my extraordinary talent and abilities and I realize now, Praise has disturbed my wisdom as well as attention. It is such a magnet!! These were my early days. 

These were followed by a period when I got more of likes and very limited comments, on whatever I post; then came the days when everything got routine and the dose of instant gratification decreased. I pondered over what might be the possible reason, then I thought I was boring the users on my friends' list and people are ignoring me. But, I never stopped expressing myself on the platform every now and then. Though everything seemed to be going on fine superficially, it took me time to realize that all is not well!! 

I wrote to express myself and share my happiness, gloom and every mood with my friends.  I narrated about events which were necessarily not mine, not real and not relevant to my present. When the site asked me, 'what is on your mind?', I responded honestly. I thought it would be a medium through which I could keep me and my kids closer to people who are closely related to us, but stay thousands of miles away. I attempted to close the distance with my posts, but it never goes the way we want it to!! 

Slowly, queries poured down to my husband whether we were fine? Our relationship is going on well? We went somewhere? He scolded me? Am I ill? It even went to the extent of people asking me not to write much about the kids, because they are clever and negative attention might bring over some bad omen onto them!! But, I need to say, my husband took everything into his stride and never interfered with my flow on Facebook. He just told me about the questions. I ignored them at first, then I was enraged, finally I cooled down and gave it detailed thought. People are reading between lines, they are gathering information from my posts, rather than appreciating them as a piece of good work. They are using the site as a source of my personal data and whereabouts. 

The story arrived at climax when one of my NRI relatives arranged for a family get-together during his recent visit to India. He could instantly connect and communicate with my kids, knew most of their interests, including that, Chhota Bheem and Ben 10 are their favorite cartoons; my posts being the source of his details. I was happy as my objective of being active on Facebook has paid off. This gentleman comes to me and remarks that my posts keep him updated on every happening and in the same tone, I revert with, 'You don't update much and I know nothing about your daughter!!'. He says, 'If I update too, we'll have nothing to talk when we meet personally' and just walked away. He never spoke anything to me, beyond these lines. I am completely taken aback by this!! My mind went numb!! Did he do this for the sake of conversation? Or is it the way he thinks about me?? Do others think the same way?? I got the answer to my pondering. It was an eye opener. Am I perceived that way??? My heart cried in pain!! Do they take me to be a social butterfly flying all over Facebook, showing off my life and its details and craving for people's attention??!! If they have a life and it is a secret, don't I do? That’s it!! I took an oath not to post anything whatsoever on Facebook! People never take anything at face value even on Facebook and we are not ready for social media, as yet. If I have to express myself and hone my writing skills, I’ll select a different and more passive platform.