Life

The most exciting thing about life is that it keeps on surprising us, teaching new things and extending our abilities. We are ignorant of this potential until life pushes us to bring it out and build on that. We never knew that we could walk until we put that first step, which is an event no less than a miracle. Then it reveals our other motor, defensive, cognitive, logical, social, philosophical facets eventually, based on the contingency. Thus, there seems to be a progression to untapping this potential of our life, similar to that of the hierarchy of needs proposed by Maslow.

May be I found the secret behind the longevity of Indian Marriages!!

There is a whole lot of intrigue about 'he loves me, he loves me not' even after the relationship between the woman and his man has been sealed and secured through the universally accepted bond of marriage. This might seem the product of an idle brain which is meant to be the devil's workshop, but it is the dilemma of every women who has put in years of efforts to justify the choice that 'he loves me', myself being no exception to such dichotomous thoughts. 

I fight with him, argue with him, loathe his presence at times and cry in silence as to how I chose this insensitive person. He is as inert as a stone at times and myself as loud as a termagant. The only thing that appeared to stick us together is the fear of kids' future and the tyranny of staying alone. Every time I am at the crossroads, I used to accuse my bad fortune for these circumstances of mine!! I even went the distance of calling the marriage to be a door-less oven or an exit-less theater, where the couple is just pushed into dark to either enjoy or suffer the ongoing happenings. There is no quick reference manual available and asking for suggestions from others was like seeking charity from a fellow pauper. This is even more depressing and sickening. There seemed to be no lining to this dark cloud!!

Breakthrough happened when he had to leave for a 2-month long onsite assignment. I decided to enjoy his absence. I tried to do all the things for 2-3 days and everything seemed to be fine. I managed home, kids, finances and all and sundry and the exhaustion from these chores put me to sleep early every night. So, I was doing good and was happy. But, when these things turned routine, the chores did not tire me enough. When sleep betrayed me at the night times, I was surrounded by loneliness. Internet, social media, mass media, my collection of books, assignments or Whatsapp, nothing could fill the void. Due to the difference in time-zones, the option of calling him was not possible at that time. I lost taste for all these things, which I never used to get enough when I was spending time with my husband. Though the concerns of loneliness bothered me, they did not deprive me from having heated arguments or annoying him. I started thinking deeply about 'the missing element', which has led me to the conclusion and revealed the secret behind the longevity of successful Indian marriage.

The discussion on liking or disliking the companion becomes immaterial, even seems trivial as years add up to the marriage. It is more about the habit (rather addiction to put it right!) of living together and sharing; and has much more to do with the complementarity that the couple develops in this companionship over the years. These simple attributes translate into the romance and charisma of an aging pair!! 

The couple might go on arguing, quarreling and fighting and seem to be incompatible for the audience, but the fact is that, they can't stay without each other. They like each other at good moments, comment or negate with each others' opinions at some moments or hate each other at some other moments and instances, but they can't stay without sharing their pieces of minds and hearts on a regular basis. Through their courtship, unknowingly they have become partners at many things, including mischief and conspiracy. They have evolved a way of life, where they unconsciously share the duties.........you bring the milk, I'll boil it.......you prepare the list, I do the groceries............you cook the food, I'll manage the kids................you make space for garden, I'll tend it..............you pay the bills, I'll see that they stay in the limits...........and so on. There are no written pacts or said agreements.......there just lies a common thread of complementarity that binds the duo.

This blog post of mine is dedicated to my sweetheart!!!